Infidelity Is Abuse, not natural, or just a symptom.

I explain why I feel infidelity is abuse, not just natural. Also not just a symptom.

 Infidelity and having short term relationships are not a symptom or natural instinctive behavior.

Imagine not knowing where someone you deeply care about was? What if your pet was missing, something you loved was missing from your home?

In regards to sleeping with another woman , questions that crossed my mind when I lost sleep over this was... from showing me his pattern of behavior that involved more than just "the incident "Does the infidel have a sense of narcissistic entitlement?  

The damage he or she causes-to their partner/s, children, family, and even the public never seems to hit home. Does the person feel their actions are not there fault? Using phrases that remove them of responsibility and portrays innocence?

For instance I was personally told ..."She came to me," or "It was an opportunity of a lifetime, what was I suppose to do? They were just a fling." Its natural?

My question to players would be "Why win over the trust, and then sleep with a person when you know your only going to  blow them off again and again"? Is love not bonding? In actuality, isn't sleeping around all about gratifying oneself not about the person your leaving out? And when the infidelity comes to light, I noticed they can only go to their own hurt, not the person they betrayed’.

And then there are  places where it is easier to find vulnerable people, is this the sign of a predator or just natural? Of course people go into places such as these to gain access to the ones they can ease into adapting.
I personally saw people involved in charities which initially drew me to thinking there hearts were about giving dignity to the vulnerable ones, give advocacy, give a voice, and especially the freedom of choice. Unfortunately I later observed they bailed on causes or people when the fun ran out or rules started effecting their comfort zone. There were obvious signs of favoritism and benefits that other people didn't receive, later to realize sleeping around was involved and secrets were very well kept or justified.

When I would bring up the effects of what sleeping around causes and the harm it does to some people, the words I heard back from those involved were cold, patronizing and defensive.  Wow, it became clear what place other people had in the lives of the benefactor and why. Their cause was worth it when the people they were suppose to be supporting or representing did not ask questions and everything stayed in its place... but then when the people they represented became little smarter, asked questions, wanted to be more involved I noticed people look around for an alternative plan out. Or keep their enemies/the ones who knew the truth closer.

Being a  professional in any capacity or if your a person acting in a trusted position towards anyone with a higher risk of vulnerability obviously realizes that many persons have already overcome so much loss, barriers, lies, disappointments, in their lives. It is ethically wrong to minimize the impact that our actions have on anyone who looses trust for the systems in place to support them by experiencing double standards.

So again... this is a type of abuse, is not a symptom or natural instinctive behavior.

I know that my own mind and body got more ripped apart and scared with each blow of awakenings. And the so called support people/paid professionals ALL KNOW the emotional harm, so why would they turn things around or especially belittle the people who did come forward with the truth? I did not notice any consequence or accountability  in the harmful actions of those supports, in fact in many situations, including religious indiscretions hid the truth as a matter of their inside strict confidentiality laws. How do these actions enable anyone to feel safe to reach out and open to communicate? Such statements I have heard were... you need psychiatric help, I'm worried about your mental heath, he has a mental illness, its her mental illness, your assuming, shes psychotic, best of all was" look after your mind".  Maybe some of the people that were sleeping around were not strictly clients, but they could be people fighting a mental illness who are loving , forgiving, vulnerable, who needed love in there lives and they needed to trust someone, they are so easy to take advantage of because there vulnerabilities are laid out.

Some feel that infidelity is caused by sexual compulsion …

A police psychologist refer to a client's sexual addiction as self-soothing behaviors-a definite euphemism for dangerous acts which expose victims to much physical, psychological, emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse. "Chronic infidelity is abuse," therapist Bancroft (2002) reminds us (I say any infidelity is abuse), and “twenty-five percent of abusive men cheat on their partners."
Bancroft disagrees with the label sexual addiction and tells us, "Infidelity is not sexual addiction or compulsion, it is sexual abuse.”

The person cheated on is often  ostracized, shunned, disregarded and was viewed as gone before they even left. Yes, often you were being set up for the dump, as not all situations are just one impulsive mistake. Affairs don't happen without some emotional investment, so remember this when your partner tries to tell you you were not emotionally available or you were not giving them what they needed.

And because during this time you were suspicious and being set up you have become a detective since no one will tell them the truth. Heaven help you if you do because now you've become the brunt of many jokes, and brought tom your knees in atonement for acting crazy. Imagine the gloating and pride of the person who won the conquest. How humiliating....as their friends sat back knowing what was coming. So no! I don't agree that cheating is a symptom. 

Infidelity is complex, traumatic, dangerous, patriarchal and contributes to the spread of AIDS.
When safety is threatened, abuse must be considered.

Natural Instinct?

Rationalizing with simplified reasons such as multi partnering being  animal instinct for example ... means we are  missing the point of evolving. All life survives by adapting to their environments to survive, humans tend to use their environments and try to have the environment brought or adapted to them. And humans are born with properties that no other animals have which make them distinct. Humans may or may not chose to have more than one lover in their lives, but free, informed, hones,t open communication as healthy, balanced adults, not force, designed mankind's evolution. Not lies which is something only humans do to one another. Men may have captured others and grown stronger through wars, not just the strongest of the fittest.... we have intelligence that masters others.  I see that as going backwards when we destroy the family units. Ever notice civilizations crumble after families loose their unity.

Human babies are the most defenseless when born according to national geographic and live the longest with the parents. Yet today there are many men who leave and don't support their children which I am not sure is natural. Tests show that when men stay close to their child's needs they have the instinct to be more monogamous, so when men are away a lot what happens to this chemical process?  Although bears are single parents, that has been a consistent pattern, as well the males killing the cubs... humans shouldn't use bears as an example like my x did to support his rights over mine or again were going backwards. Some cultures assure their tribes strength in humiliating the women in tribes they conquer, thereby crushing the spirit of the opposing men. But do we want to start cannibalizing too?

I am talking about child abandonment, not people who have made efforts to make sure the child is cared for by another when situations arise that cause separation. Humans individually choose to be monogamous or not, other species tend to have been consistent in their one particular breeding preference and practices. Most predators hunt for food, but mankind also hunts for sport, including woman. That simple excuse of not being with just one person the rest of their life as being natural animal instinct is only one simple phrase of many in order to justify cheating. Cheating is different because it takes away choice, and harms another, there is a big difference in consensual multi tasking verses deception.
What feels natural for one person needs to be consensual for all, not forced.
Yes, I often say I have been emotionally raped, and physically violated because I was deceived.
Called cheating, no excuses.