Personal Note

YOUR NOT ALONE!

 When I saw an unhealthy pattern with many of my relationships, such as with employers, friends, landlords, different religions so I started reading and researching. Although intellectually I knew from what I was reading what was going on, I was drawn into the power of persuasion and my own heart towards something I invested or longed for...

When I saw the effects on my family and others who were going through similar things, I saw the slow effects of  conformity so I knew I had to step forward. It seemed we just needed help with the first steps. The very first step for me, was to understand and acknowledge what was going on. Then did what ever it took to get the things I needed in place to take care of myself and keep me safe. Even though  I was discouraged to look outside my relationships/way of operating for answers. I was also approached by the person I was bothered with about better communication, and so forth to keep things going the way they were. I felt a lot of pressures to leave people or things alone in different ways.

I saw how so many organized religions and people covered up their abuse, and I now stay separate from them. I am still a baptized, single person, except that I believe their should be no justifications for abuse. A structure, or traditions of abuse may put women in vulnerable positions without the proper context of submitting. I think there needs to be more supports and accountability to protect and invest in our future generations. Were cleaning up too much garbage, with our pretty packaging. 

People can see when another person is vulnerable, and I think these situations get women into a lot of tough spots if a woman has subdued foundations or supports to begin with. What is wrong with having public education for all ages, and languages about Canadian Laws?  Not all citizens of Canada have the opportunities to access information freely, some need it to go to them because they are stuck! Human resources should be made available for all citizens no matter the religion, or location. I could only see, when I looked at my life objectively (through another window), and I could only look when I was at a safe distance away from the source. I did not realise that I was being abused! And not just from one man, from several sources.

I don't understand how anyone can say a women has a choice or wants to stay in a situation that is hurting her, when she doesn't see that she is getting hurt. Or if she cannot see nor hear of any escape route, if she is surrounded.  Then women are faced with getting someone in trouble if they tell! Then they may be ostracized from neighbors and his supports if she stays put at her job, her home, her community, her religion, her family...it may cause people to take sides. She might be threatened to loose all she knows and has invested in... That is IF she can even distance herself.

I found that many people don't like to get involved. Some would rather stay neutral because they did not witness it or because they don't see anything wrong with how things are being done. In fact, some covered up what another person was doing... cheating for instance.  This all adds to more feelings of being violated or alone.There are people trained and/or paid to help if you go to them. There needs to be some people in positions of trust and authority available who wont abuse you, right?

Punishment and retaliation comes in many forms, and the abusers don't want to look like the bad guy. So you might be treated very nice for a time, especially in front of others. That's  when I again became passive, or minimized, dismissed their deeds. Then everything would start all over again, until the next time I was miniscule, dismissed, and my head spiraled with questions. Questions like who will believe me?

 Even silence is abusive when we shut out the person who tries to stand up for themselves. Have we not evolved from the meaning of being in submission to something that includes dignity, and respect being on the receiving end as well as the giving. We teach our children, and they learn from our mistakes or they can follow the same ones.

My adult sons, have literally given the winter coats off their backs for someone homeless and gone all winter with none. They are my guardian angles, who have seen more garbage growing up than most people have watched on the news in a lifetime. Not everyone is able to remotely change a channel at their discretion to suit their needs, in fact some people don't get to watch TV at all. Think about this illustration when someone tells you life is all about choice!!!

The experiences that challenged me have humbled me. Situations  I thought never would or could happen to me, after all I read all the books and learned all the latest new tools, had all the pros directing my path, in fact I did not believe my own life could be so out of my control. I started writing, but only when I reached out to see others trapped in the same mind games did I realize I had a lot to share.