Belonging

Belonging

An X once told me he didn’t belong to anyone. Sad because belonging is a powerful, basic need to fit that I don’t think has anything to do with ownership. Loving relationships are when everyone is free to be themselves. Be seen in the open ... with dignity. No one has the right to lie or hide anything which would affect the choices and rights of another, so that there is control over a situation.

Sort through the things in life that you trust apply to your situation, and learn from what has not worked before, so that growth and love can be possible to reach for. 

If not for the fact I saw how beautiful my true friends and family were, I would have been brought to feeling like I was not worth anything. You have friends out there who will listen, if you don't feel supported then be with people who will support you.

The pattern of abuse can effect a person at a time when we needed purpose the most ... and consuming ourselves with looking after family, pets, work are only temporary fixes when we avoid the journey looking within ourselves, and peeling back the layers.   I didn't realize I didn't have to be alone, and that I wasn't alone after all. As silence was something the abusers in my life wanted from me and I became conditioned to keep the peace and protect what little love I had so that I kept the silence.  I was invisible and replaced so many times that anything that came out of his mouth was lies.... everything he did became suspicious and more obvious  that he was a predator who took advantage of vulnerable people. I had to look within to understand myself and not try to always understand him. I saw him and what he was doing to women no differently than a pedophile that hung around schools to get the ones who needed love the most or people who would unquestionably agree with the attention they received from this really nice guy  that everyone else loved. Yes, it is always a shock when we find out who predators really are ( both men and women) and more shocked at who knew and allowed the abuse to stay hidden.

Remember for me... I did not know I was being abused, I don't think my x and some of his enablers may have known the extent of abuse they were participating in either.But it became more clear to me with research and  I made them all aware of my findings so there are no excuses for repeated lies and their unique ways of undermining me . The worst was some were  involved with mental health and other  professionals that tried to earn my trust and friendship while sleeping with him... lying, telling me I needed psychiatric help, pretending there worried about me, to cover up there indiscretions.  I tried to be open and nice but for all the people who have cheaters that keep coming back to you, my advice is do not open any doors.... none , until you can say NO without feeling guilty or asking yourself if your wrong! The head games from everyone caused illness, I didn't know who to trust as every time I met a woman she was connected to him on the side as
well. I suffered loss of sleep, the torture effected every aspect of
 my life.... I still awake with nightmares when ever something new is disclosed about him.

 So I had to value myself more, and believe this not just say this. No more dressing up just to get attention and feel beautiful whenever I felt down. I simply deserved better... especially after I saw how well he treated others and not me.

Conditioning to think something is acceptable when it is not, could occur from long term exposures to particular environments.

In my pa

st I was personally sabotaging my looks,minimized everything beautiful just to be numb and  so that other women would not be intimidated by me.  Ive found people do many things to self harm in order to either take away pain or to give themselves  pain to have some control over themselves. Any distraction from the pain they cannot control to help keep the focus on getting through the days. So please read about self sabotaging patterns.