Foundations built on lies

Foundations built on lies

For some, the truth means everything. With religion, relationships of all kinds, or love because sometimes its life at stake. Any foundation will crumble when someone covers up the truth. Were suppose to learn and grow from the truth and what we reflect upon, when we don't open the truth up for others were taking away accurate knowledge and their freedom of choice. Natural consequences follow, and we only improve....we only evolve for the better of all with and when people are working together with the truth.
No one should be left in the dark.

Believe me, I have personal experiences that I am shearing because I am tired of people that are in places of trust and authority misusing vulnerable people for their own agendas. We all put our trust in these supports that are not only family, but professionals or supports that are not practicing healthy ethical boundaries. Police narcotic prevention officer dies of drug overdose in Campbell River B.C., Social worker using crack with her clients same place, a hungover high school teacher who stole money from her restaurant employer in Calgary AB. because she had a drinking problem and party's with her students. A mental health worker whose son cant trust anyone for help because his mom is one of the main persons in charge of the organization and can monitor his activity ... his mother was doing pot and then he even shows me pitchers of him self mutilating himself because he said he felt he had no way out. A doctor finally charged and convicted of sexual misconduct and molesting many women in Campbell River B.C.

Ive been to court to help children one of which was molested since they were 9 years old, from their own family members. Some of the kids I couldn't help, because they never went to public school so the neglect was the norm and they didn't know any differently. If you report them the social workers call them first, everything gets strengthened out and the cover ups begin. Then you get social workers coming to your door with all sorts of accusations because of the retaliation from their clan. After reports of neglect the children move, or are kept prisoners, really weird stuff happens and because your just a Samaritan you have no idea if there is a follow up and your word becomes laughable. Some girls as young as 11 years old slept with anyone who would give them a warm bed... yes this is Campbell River for all those people in their bubbles. Communities, religions, schools hide what little knowledge they have to protect the name or reputations with excuses like not knowing all the facts or no witnesses, the list goes on. THAT'S ALSO ABUSE! And all I did was accept and respect those children for who I knew they were inside, not what others were fed and conditioned  to see. 

Then there are religions and people who easily see the vulnerable, whom we thought were sincere and gave them a taste of the love that was missing. Not knowing what love really embodies they soak up the attention like sponges, which may be euphoric and rewarding at first. The honeymoon period is over which  many call the first months of any new relationship when I found a  dismissal to people who are gradually replaced as new projects come into the pitcher.

We have holiday seasons where we designate times of charity, crisis situations that effect us personally, or public recognition but do any of these really come from the heart if we ignore people the rest of the year?  

There are some who pray on these vulnerable soles. Society looks up to these pillars of society who care for the vulnerable which leaves the rest of us playing carefree in our own safe bubbles. We even protect there way of life, cheer them on or donate money. Time exposes things too unreal that we cannot grasp the abuse, until so many people are effected that it may hurt our own.  So now we are personally invested, or we react because we were all lied to and did not know. A popular TV show draws the attention of hundreds, we all give our opinions based on our own interpretations... yet no one looks up a web site clearly  marked which may give some real answers. What does that tell you?

 I did not help or befriend anyone with the condition they could do something for me... I NEVER pushed religion on them, I only passed on knowledge for another to make informed choices. But there are some people who will have all the answers, and take us away to a better world.... that separates us. Maybe were fortunate enough to have someone who allows us real choices, or maybe we have a repeated cycle of abuse and sink deeper into being numb and trapped. Of course we have skeptics who tell us were are not trapped, have choices, why do we go back, say were lieing, ask us what we did to cause this. Don't listen to them.... look at what they really know, look at what you want for yourself.

 Some people are codependents or enablers which are not healthy because they need to nurture the vulnerable so much, that if the vulnerable ever were to gain strength to be independent or move on that this action is taken as (felt as, looks like) betrayal, they get upset with you which really is another form of hidden abuse. Passive aggressive or very subtle ways of inflicting guilt onto the once needy person are forms control, maybe they are ignoring you, maybe trying to make you jealous? I have seen people manipulating situations that reenforce dependency or promote the return to negative behaviors which no one saw coming. The unthinkable, they would never do that. Great tactics to use if you want to look innocent and your x or kids back without looking like your setting them up, but is this really showing love? If you read more from this site you will get the whole pitcher, or view from all sides on how and why people do some of these things.  

 Ive seen the nurturer sabotage efforts for a child or another adults independence, preventing the growth of making choices and mistakes on their own. This unnoticed sabotage  may cause  fear of making future choices when the support person is over protective or by derogation  The real damage I saw was at parenting workshops when the parent couldn't figure out why there child was acting out certain ways and refused to look at different views to help. One son was so rude to her... the mother couldn't see how her being the doormat and never saying no was hurting his future to treat other women with dignity. Patterns and cycles of abuse repeat, we condition each other, and I don't see this conditioning as love or allowing someone else there freedom. Is this selfish?

Humans are not meant to be alone in our journeys! When people are stable, then we can take our first steps, and I was privileged to watch others grow on their own, to listen , not enable them ... big difference. I never took it personal when they stood on their own, as some seemed to be insulted and feel betrayed when this happens. There are people who love to always be the one helping, when in actuality they were only happy when another person was dependent on them.THAT is called enabling, or codependent behavior and is very dysfunctional. 

  I am discussed at any religion who hide records of convicted molesters from the flock when the victims are still effected or in danger from the same people. I don't feel secrecy is a way to keep the congregation clean, or prevent reproach on Gods name, because the truth was always laid out and exposed for all. For everyone to have a view of the truth shows us lessons in being humble, gives us ability to reason and see imperfections or grow from the mistakes we've learned... by not repeating the same mistakes. Don't organizations see the hypocrisy and harm in covering up the wrongs we do?

The many reason we keep the silence

I have heard statements such as  "no one would believe me" ,  being the outcast and not fitting in, not good enough, its my fault, just need to try harder, forgiveness. I'm often told judging is wrong and don't judge... but profiling a person sets healthy boundaries which is not judging it is the process of collecting and examining information about someone or something in order to get an accurate image of the person or situation. We need this to make informed decisions. If you get religiously harassed over doctrine, do your homework because simplifying is a tactic used to overlook many other words in your holy book which support accurate knowledge that all humans are initialed to have access to. Many professionals have been taken advantage of from a cheater because of lies and are silenced from embarrassment or the reproof from others because there suppose to know better.  I wont ever be silenced again, kept invisible and put in my place out of fear of me being destroyed from the people in power who can ruin everything. I know what it is like to have the person/people you trusted, turn your life upside down with no way out because you dare to stand up for yourself or others. And speak the truth, openly! 

Why are so many people conditioned to worry about what others will do to us or think of us anyways? Oh, yes, some control wither we are homeless or not. There is always something that binds us, the question is whether we carry our own chains or not! Then when we figure out what holds us back from being free from those binds our priorities might set in about what is important to us.

Ive helped adults with past torments who cannot trust the systems in place. Ive seen elderly abused from their own children, Ive been involved with mental health professionals or students who sleep with their mentors, or were they clients? I have known of home support aids sleeping with their clients...all tucked away with the confidentiality clauses others have to sign. Abuse within the support systems we have in place in Canada and problems with coworkers go back years, and no support was offered for the ones who tried to speak out. To this day I know someone who is haunted, has PTSD because she cannot be the voice for others, as no one will listen. She is still being abused and bullied from professionals she at one time was supervising over.  I remember her in tears as a attempt to talk with a psychiatrist in confidence told her she had delusions of grandeur...  he stated such things didn't happen. yet many of the things she tried to address are on the news today. Were all still in denial? 

Good thing I was not employed with those agencies at the time I found out things and I probably found out things because they trusted me as being no part of the system.  Doesn't it matter why so much is kept silent? This exposing others is another story because credibility becomes an issue when reporting abuse, a paradox since when ever your deeply involved with something, how does one get close to a matter in order to know the truth and still get out? If you feel helpless, trapped, or that no one would believe you.... it is time advocacy reached out to those who are stuck. It is time we all look out another window towards the same stars. You and those you love are worth it, worth YOU!!! Do you believe it?

Individual thinking can be shunned even in today's religions, and some family units are isolated. I use to tell myself I was in the wrong, leave it to God, listen to the professionals or the man, be forgiving, on and on to ignore the real issues. Where do you belong or fit? The dance of anger was an excellent resource book for me. Did you know anger is healthy and normal? Imagine if you didn't have feelings of fear... people would be doing all sorts of foolish things. It is time to look at how your feeling, and why your feeling this way when a pattern self doubt, fear, depression, all sink in. It is not just you, your not alone!!!

The worst pain for me in life... was indifference. People did not want to take sides or get involved. They basically shut their ears, and closed their eyes to both sides. I know of people that have said they already know that nasty things go on in the world, so they reason they don't need to get involved or have it in there face. They stay separate (and some even stay no part of the world) to the point where there not approachable, creating more divisions, and more barriers rather than breaking barriers.  In my situations people didn't want to speak out or say how they felt with what they saw, because they felt it wasn't their business? Wow! Its like walking away from the scene of an accident your standing right in front of. No one likes to put anything in writing either. Again... too many people represent a cause yet do the opposite with no accountability. It is the one crying for help, that gets shunned for standing up in a crowd. Yup! I did that too, invisible for 5 years yet someone better (actually everyone was better) than me that he just meets gets front row center in front of everyone. My validation will be different than anothers, but for me I didn't care how many hundreds saw the mouth in action... public places were not going to be his protection from any fall out. We need to stop the blows, by taking a stand whatever the stand may be that is unique to us all, which will bring change to the insanity of  being controlled, silenced, held back, undetermined, to be noticed.

 

I feel you cant just turn your attention to something or someone on and off when it is convenient. This was so destructive, especially when off and on was based on lies rather than truth that he was with yet another woman.
 If a person was fed excuses, maybe a few months or for years, I warn you,
your good qualities will be taken for granted and used against you.
In the end you never really get yourself back again to trust in yourself, little own another.

Lying

If the person lying or keeping secrets feels indifferent about oneself, or justifies themselves.
It may be through a psychological process of disassociation or splitting.
Through these psychological processes a person cuts him or herself off from those parts of oneself that are distressful.
 Hence the person is not fully integrated in terms of feelings, thoughts and actions.
It is a way to cope with loss of integrity.

For example : It isn't decent to place another person in conflict with their marital partner, family, children, friends or community… even with themselves. Why ask for it? Fear of commitment? Or it is just plain selfishness, why cut oneself off from being more aware about the reasons why we do the things we do? Peeling the layers to be whole rather than cutting oneself off from being true to themselves.

Integrity, dignity, a gift, be a voice for yourself.

Keep a window open and keep asking questions. maybe someday the door will open up too.

Peeling back the layers to be whole and get to the truth.
  Be true to yourself and others!
Integrity, dignity are everyone's right!